After a weekend spent with a significant other, friend with benefits, friend with newly discovered benefits, entirely brand new friend, caught off guard celebrity, stranger posing as a celebrity, standard stranger or any kind of human in general, our friends often have the same question: Was it good?
Over and over, after every se.xual encounter, we get asked this question. But, what is good? What defines good se.x? Is there only one kind of good se.x to have?
Good se.x can mean so many different things. In fact, it can mean something different for each person experiencing it. T
here is no set number of different kinds of good se.x, but there are a handful a lot of us are probably pretty familiar with.
Here are just a few kinds of good se.x we might experience when we hop into bed/car/designated se.x couch with someone:
When it’s physically good
You’re not necessarily emotionally connected to this person. You’ve talked and you’ve spent time together, but you’re not really feeling it on that deeper level.
It could be someone you’ve just met or someone you’ve known for a while. The se.x is amazing; he’s getting you going in all the right ways. Physically, you guys have it going on.
After it’s done though, and you’re talking, there’s no connection. He’s quoting poetry and it should be so romantic, but he’s not making eye contact.
Later he sends you dick pics instead of paragraphs about his dreams.
It’s okay to have se.x without that emotional piece; sometimes we just want to get off. It’s still good se.x, because physically, it rocked your world.
Emotionally, though? The morning se.x was great, but he wouldn’t kiss you goodbye.
When it’s emotionally good
Sometimes, it’s exactly the opposite of the physically good kind of se.x. It’s still good; you felt fulfilled and had a good time. Physically though, maybe it wasn’t the best you’ve ever had.
You might not have orgasmed, and it may have left you feeling a little underwhelmed.
You were kind of awkward, still figuring out how each other’s bodies worked. Emotionally though, it was the most incredible thing.
It could still be with someone you’ve just met or someone you’ve known for a while.
You could have dozens of conversations with someone and still not really feel connected, and then you could have one intense conversation and feel like you’ve known someone for centuries.
When the se.x is emotionally good, there’s a lot more touching. You aren’t just bodies interacting, working to please each other.
Fingers stroke slowly down thighs in the light of an alleyway to say, “I want to get to know you.” They touch your spine and you actually feel like you’re floating.
You talk until you realize — sh*t — maybe you should check a clock or something?
When it’s emotionally good, you feel it, long after the touching has stopped.
When it’s both
It’s the best you’ve ever had and the most intensely connected you’ve ever felt, or just somewhere in between on both sides.
Either way, it’s good physically and it’s good emotionally. It’s just really f*cking good.
In this case, a hearty congrats on the se.x. You deserve this.
When it’s so bad it’s fantastic
Maybe you were in an awkward mood. Maybe you had just gone swimming and everything was sticky and not working properly.
Maybe you guys were just in a really silly mood, and couldn’t concrete on being se.xy, sultry or what have you.
Either way, it’s not intense, passionate se.x.
It might not even be se.x for very long. It started off as se.x, but things weren’t fitting together the right way, or neither of you could focus to the point of being turned on enough.
It probably ends with a lot of laugher, tickling, shrieking, groaning and other noises that maybe shouldn’t be involved in se.x, but sometimes they totally are and that’s totally fine.
Someone probably tells a joke. Maybe a pillow fight ensues. It ends with you entangled, breathing heavy and smiling.
I guess maybe the whole ordeal could be considered “bad,” but is it really? No. It’s actually wonderful because it was weird and goofy, but it made you smile and it brought you closer.
That’s exactly what good se.x does.
When other people might find it bad
Believe it or not, there are some types of se.x you consider good that other people might consider bad. Gasp! Shocking, but it is indeed a thing.
People can be needlessly judgmental, especially about se.x.
You might be in an open relationship and having lots of good se.x with lots of great people.
You might have a threesome, a foursome or a fivesome (which sounds complicated, but hey, do what you feel), and consider that super great.
Your good se.x might not be everyone else’s good se.x, but let me be clear: that does not make it bad.
As long as it’s safe, consensual and enjoyable for both parties, if you consider it good, then that’s what it is.
After all, it’s your se.x, not everybody else’s. Other people are just jealous because, well, you’re having good se.x, and good se.x is kick ass.
When it’s not technically se.x
It can be good se.x without technically being se.x. It can be the best you’ve ever had without technically being se.x, too.
There are lots of acts that, in my opinion, fall into the realm of se.x. You had the best orgasm you’ve ever had and there wasn’t actually any genital-to-genital contact? I’d still say that counts as se.x.
When you’re embarrassed in a good way
Good se.x can be totally embarrassing. What I mean is, sometimes it’s so good, you’re so turned on and you’re losing so much control, you get a little blushed.
Maybe you totally weren’t expecting the se.x to be so good, or maybe when you got your clothes off you realized how great this person actually was, and got kind of shy.
He says you’re se.xy, and you can’t help but giggle. You feel like a teenager, except not, because you’re having se.x that’s actually good.
Sometimes when it’s really good, it can actually be majestic.